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Satire: Greetings, ladies and gentlemen! Hesitantly, I admit that I have become a little bit carried away with the Bean Boozled challenge for Mardi Gras. After consuming the entirety of the dish of gourmet jellies, I have acquired quite a few opinions of the flavors, both scrumptious and repulsive. As we pivot into this blessed Lenten season, I would like to share with you my humble reactions to the contrasting flavors of the Bean Boozled Game. 

- Fr. Ian Gibbons

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, love is on the minds of many students here at St. Louis U. High. Students across all four classes have been rushing to find heart-shaped chocolate boxes and bouquets of red roses for their girlfriends and unsuspecting crushes. However, there is one individual in our school community that no one really expected to find that special someone: the Jr. Bill himself.

After the brief two-day snow break, it was time to get back down to business, but on Zoom. While some students embraced the idea of a little extra sleep and not having to make the morning commute, the day brought some flashbacks of Zoom classes in the height of the pandemic.

After a week of frigid morning temperatures, it should come as no surprise to St. Louis U. High students that the walk from the Science Center parking lot to the Danis Lobby has been designated by the International Mountaineering and Climbing Federation as a “Class 1 Peak,” putting it on par with summits such as Mt. Everest, K2, and Denali.

On Wednesday morning, senior Rutillo Bigg barged into the senior hallway out of breath, frantically complaining that he did not have enough time to finish working on his Grande Project. Bigg claimed the allotted time was nowhere near enough and he would need anywhere from another day to two months to finish his project.