Yesterday, the Administration of St. Louis U. High and Assistant Principal for Student Life Brock Kesterson confirmed that they had resolved the mysterious vampire issue haunting the halls of SLUH prior to Halloween. For a full week, the rec room was closed off to students due to the paranormal activity that some had witnessed after school last Monday.

 “All of a sudden, the lights flickered off and the pool hall went silent,” said an anonymous freshman, with a rosary and Bible in hand. “I heard a deep laugh, and then a man, with what I can only describe as a Transylvanian accent, bellowed ‘I vant your blood, give me your blood!’” 

Rumors quickly spread throughout campus, prompting the servery staff to partner with campus minister Stephen Deves to sell cloves of garlic for $2 outside Campus Ministry during Activity Period. 

“The garlic sale was really successful,” said Deves as he thumbed through a large wad of cash. “I think it brought a great deal of comfort to the students.”

Additionally, students were given vials of holy water at morning check-in to use in case they had to ward off a vampire, and a new question regarding contact with supernatural beings was added to the daily VisitU survey. 

One unlucky student was actually able to catch sight of the vampire when a small stream of light filtered through the darkness of the rec room and burned itself into its pale skin.

 “All I saw was (the vampire’s) bright, silver-white hair, and a dark cloak that he used to hide his figure,” said the anonymous witness.

 The eerie Transylvanian voice was heard on at least ten other occasions, all of which took place during junior-senior lunch in the Commons. In the end, those investigating the strange events concluded that the blood-sucking vampire that had been haunting the SLUH campus last week was none other than biology teacher Tim O’Keefe, who has since confessed to the hauntings and decided to use different methods of promoting the Blood Drive next year.