On Wednesday morning, senior Rutillo Bigg barged into the senior hallway out of breath, frantically complaining that he did not have enough time to finish working on his Grande Project. Bigg claimed the allotted time was nowhere near enough and he would need anywhere from another day to two months to finish his project. 

Art: Charlie Bieg.

“I spent yesterday tirelessly working on my project,” said Bigg when asked when he started. “How many documents do they think I can look through and people do they think I can interview on the last day? And those Netflix shows don’t watch themselves.”

When the seniors were first told months ago that they would be doing the Grande Project, Bigg immediately knew what topic he wanted to advocate for and how he wanted to do it. 

“Alien rights is very close to my heart,” said Bigg. “I mean aliens kind of get a bad rap in all of these science fiction movies like ET and Marvel's Avengers Infinity War yet they’re actually pretty nice and laid back in real life. So I just want to get the word out about how they’re portrayed incorrectly in the media. I think the best way to do this is by creating a lullaby. I mean who doesn’t love a lullaby?”

Bigg also knew exactly when he didn’t want to start: before the last possible second.

“Do they think aliens work on a human time schedule? I worked so hard yesterday and barely got halfway done. Now I'm being told that I have to present it only half finished,” said Bigg. “It’s almost as if Campus Ministry doesn’t care about alien rights. Unbelievable.” 

At press time, Bigg could not be reported for a comment. In fact no one has seen Bigg in the past two days, speculation though has arisen that Bigg has been abducted by aliens who are angry at him for advocating misinformation. Apparently aliens don’t want rights, they want to take over the world. 

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