St. Louis U. High’s Open House Sunday ended in frenzied terror after a camel burst free from its restraints. The camel forced a mad dash down the turnaround as students attempted to escape the imminent dromedarian threat. 

SLUH tour guides and faculty members could do nothing but watch in horror as prospective students and their families were attacked by the mysterious camel stampeding through the turnaround during Open House.

 “I barely made it out alive!” said an anonymous eighth grader, frantically scraping dirt from his legs and shaking hay out of his jacket. “The camel trampled 12 of us and kicked both of my parents off of their feet.” 

The strange animal spontaneously appeared outside of the Field House mere minutes before the first Open House tours left, leaving tour guides and faculty members befuddled as to the cause of the camel’s appearance. 

After the chaotic episode had concluded, a representative of One World Club came forward to address the situation. 

“We are saddened to hear about the camel’s outburst, but we thought that having the animal here would be a good idea,” said the anonymous One World Club member, subtly flexing his international flag lanyard. “We wanted an animal that was pretty boring, but also one that would catch the attention of the prospective students. Our first thought was a sloth, then someone threw out the idea of bringing in some type of rodent, but we eventually settled on the camel.”

At approximately 1:05 on Sunday, the camel reportedly lashed out at a few families visiting SLUH for the day, throwing the Billiken blanket from its hump. SLUH faculty and the camel’s caretaker attempted to calm it down, but the animal grew too angry to be restrained, and it eventually stampeded across campus, injuring at least 10 prospective students and four current students while wrecking havoc. 

“It was not a good look for SLUH,” said tour guide Alex Preusser as he held a cloth to his bloodied arm. “I just hope these students will look past this one unfortunate accident.” 

“In my 20 years as a police officer I have never seen a tragedy as gruesome as this,” said Director of Security and ex-police sergeant Dan Schulte, wiping tears from his eyes. “It's just sad to see.”

Following the incident, CBC announced that they are no longer planning on bringing sheep to their Open House, and De Smet has severed ties with the owners of the dolphin that they have used to attract students to the school for years. Vianney has yet to cancel their rhinoceros order.