Satire: Food review-Bean Boozled

A message from principal Ian Gibbons, SJ

Greetings, ladies and gentlemen! Hesitantly, I admit that I have become a little bit carried away with the Bean Boozled challenge for Mardi Gras. After consuming the entirety of the dish of gourmet jellies, I have acquired quite a few opinions of the flavors, both scrumptious and repulsive. As we pivot into this blessed Lenten season, I would like to share with you my humble reactions to the contrasting flavors of the Bean Boozled Game. 


With notes of persimmon and brambleberries, this complex jelly delight explodes with flavor in your mouth. “Tutti,” coming from the etymological Latin root, “Totus,” means total or complete. Thus, Tutti-Fruitti indicates an omnipotence of fruity goodness, reminding the taster of the dawning of spring. 9/10.

Dead Fish

Absolutely ungodly and unfathomable. The flavors produced by this jelly, while piscine, bear no resemblance to the fish of the Sea of Galilee which Jesus multiplied in front of the masses two millennia ago. I would rather fast in the desert for forty days than experience the burst of horrid flavor from this bean. 2/10.

Berry Blue

This delightful flavor brightened my taste buds with memories. While the color blue is very close to my heart due to it being the home color of St. Louis University High, it also transports me back to my days at Rockhurst High School, or Jockhurst. Just as I took joy in serving the pleasant young men of Jockhurst, I was rejuvenated by the bright blue flavor that filled my mouth when I consumed this flavorsome bean. 10/10.

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