The last 12 months can be best described as a rollercoaster, full of surprising twists, the dizzying loopty-loops, and the stomach-wrenching dips. Starting with the arrival of Covid-19 to the St. Louis area last spring, this year has surely been a ride characterized by hardship and loss, adaptability and change, and hope and joy. As the one year anniversary of SLUH shutting its doors and the whole city plunging into over a month's lockdown passed, the Prep News met with students and faculty to learn what this year marked by this pandemic has meant to them.

With Loss Comes New Life

Death and loss have always been characteristic of any normal year. Every year there are people in our communities that die; every year there are missed opportunities and failures. But this year, in particular because of the pandemic, has been quite clearly scarred by the overwhelming numbers of death and loss and with it a wide-spread spirit of grief and despair.

In our country alone, an ever-growing number of almost 550,000 people have died because of the virus, a number that will continue to haunt generations when they look back at this time. The SLUH community has lost members, too.

“I think any kind of a loss is always devastating, and I don't think you realize as a person what it's like, until you experience that loss,” said Food Service Supervisor Kathy Hylla, who lost her husband to Covid-19 last spring. “It’s terrible. I wish I could return back to everything normal, but I can’t.”

Hylla was not able to see her husband in person before he died. Yet, it was her faith, like a life preserver, that really kept her afloat during those difficult first couple months after her husband passed away.

“I think you have to rely on your faith. You have to have that foundation of faith that there are reasons for things and rely on your strength that you get from God to help you persevere,” said Hylla. “God never gives you more than what you can handle.”

The loss of human life is not the only struggle that many have had to grapple with this year. Last spring, SLUH students lossed a full quarter of in person education and saw many clubs, including Prep News, crippled by the isolation. For many SLUH athletes, Covid-19 stole their spring seasons.

Martin Luther King Jr. once said: “The greatest measure of a man is what he does in the face of adversity.”  While there was loss this year, from that loss came some of the greatest moments of perseverance and hope, demonstrating a valuable lesson that good can come from the bad.

 “You have to look at everything with a positive angle, even though there's a negative side,” said Hylla. “You have to look at the benefit for whomever you lost, whatever you've lost, there has to be a lesson, there's a benefit there. It seems strange to say that but there is a benefit. I think you grow through adversity.”

From teachers coming up with new ways to connect with their students to students scheduling and organizing Zoom club meetings, the spirit of SLUH grew out of the loss, revealing many new blossoms that in a normal world would not have flowered there.

“Ultimately, when I step back and think about it, it is really amazing that we were so adaptable and that we, for the most part, were able to find the positive amidst the crazy,” said Campus Minister Stephen Deves. “We don't like things to uproot our routine. But when forced into it, we adapt, and we grow. I think it definitely takes its toll, but at the same time, it's pretty remarkable what we're capable of doing our backs against the wall.”

English teacher David Callon, despite not being able to connect with his students, took a creative spin on each of his daily class videos that he would send out to his students to introduce them to the work for the day.

“I made a strange pledge to my students that I will, every day, introduce the class for the day while I do something different,” said Callon. “So I would cook eggs or I would be changing a bike tire. I'd be transplanting a bush, cutting down a tree limb, I'd be on my garage roof repairing the flashing or whatever. There were a lot of power tools involved, but then I pause, and explain for five to ten minutes what the plan for the day was. It was quite energizing. Even if nobody was watching them, I was really having fun making a lot more video content.”

Band director Jeff Pottinger, after the band concert program was cancelled, took it upon himself to put together a recording for each of his bands using garage band. He then held an outdoor gathering during the summer to showcase all the work that his students did during the lockdown.

“It was just just trying to provide a time, honestly, for me, in some ways, but certainly for the boys and the families to say goodbye,” said Pottinger. I wanted to try and make it a special concert for those guys so they have something where they are recognized for the time they spend in the group.”

Students and teachers here at SLUH joined millions of Americans reinventing their ways of life, showing that through the losses a new normal could sprout from the rubble and bring together tight knit groups once more, just in a Covid-safe way. 

A Community Dispersed

Community and brotherhood have always been a hallmark of the U. High tradition. From the beginning of freshman year to final days of senior year, SLUH works hard to foster a sense of class pride and love within each class. While the pandemic has resulted in many moments where the SLUH community has been spread out across the St. Louis area, SLUH has tried to keep the community united, something at the heart of SLUH’s Jesuit history and identity.

“St. Ignatius used the term ‘a community dispersed’ to describe the early Jesuits when they were going out and delivering the good news,” said Deves. “He used that term to remind the Jesuit community that though dispersed they were still a community. In my first video on the very first day of virtual learning last year, I talked about the idea that we are a community dispersed. It was very important to me, the other campus ministers, the other teachers that I talked to, and the administration that we still maintained a community even in a pandemic.”

While the community has always been difficult to foster during this past year, it was particularly challenging last semester last year when students were working asynchronously at their homes. Despite the barriers, SLUH faculty and students took steps to maintain social connections, overcoming the obstacles of distance with their dedication to the notion of SLUH being a family.

“When you come to SLU High. I don't feel like students often come to SLUH just because we're a great academically rigorous school, that's a big part of it for many people, but there's something about our community that you do not get in a lot of other places,” said Deves. “I remember leading a small group section during Sophomore Retreat last year. It was a beautiful, beautiful thing, and after our official Zoom was over, there were about 15 guys that stayed behind and just chatted.”

Boredom marked the initial shutdown. With no Prep News to produce, clubs to meet, or sports to play, many were left in a purgatory-like state, waiting for life to go back to normal. But even in those early days as national officials kept pushing the goalposts further back, it was obvious that normal wouldn’t be in our vocabulary for quite some time. 

“I think I got closer with my brother just because in those days there was literally nothing going on,” said senior Michael Krauz. “There'll be times where I'd have absolutely nothing to do; no assignments, really, you can't go anywhere at that time, so, I would go outside and pepper the volleyball with my brother.” 

For Campus Minister Joseph Hill S.J., the pandemic gave him an opportunity to spend more time with his fellow community members in the Jesuit Residence, something that he was not able to do during a normal year with all the craziness and activities.

“Our community life really increased because we were spending more time together. There was a lot of fruit from the community life because of having to be mashed together every single day. Normally we are never fully together, but we started praying together more, spending more time together, telling more stories, things like that.”

As a new normal began to emerge, so did some of the traditions that many thought were lost. This included a football field graduation and Junior Ring, which was held in August as opposed to the customary celebration which is held in May. For most students, these events really highlighted how important the role brotherhood plays into the school’s daily life and traditions.

“I remember Junior Ring, and it was almost overwhelming seeing every person from our class in the same space all at the same time,” said Krausz. “It was a great moment that really made me appreciate the community we have here. I just have a much greater appreciation for it now.”

With the return of full in-person learning and with hope that this pandemic will soon be over as the vaccine because more accessible, all of those interviewed said a similar thing: community is much more valued now.

“One of the most obvious things that I have learned during this year is just how important friendships are in our lives and how much I guess how apparent it is that we are people of community and people love relations,” said Deves. “I think that I've always known that for me my greatest joy in life. And so I've always been aware that my friendships and relationships are a very important part of my life. But when those become more challenging or when you don't get to see people you care about, it becomes even more apparent.”

Pivot

The return to in person classes, while overwhelmingly demanded, required a huge effort from the faculty to make it a reality. However, one word has become synonymous with SLUH’s gradual return to normalcy: pivot, both with school, but also in everyday life.

“We use the word pivot a lot, and I think it's taken on a much bigger meaning than simply, a shift in direction,” said principal Ian Gibbons S.J., who has been one of the main leaders in charge in SLUH’s response to the pandemic. “It also means a push-back against the pandemic. So I think pivot has earned its place in our lexicon for how we approach the year.”

Teaching has become a one of the greatest sources of change at SLUH with many faculty members altering their teaching methods in order to adapt to the changing school scheduling and online learning components. A professional development program during the summer to help teachers prepare for the upcoming year helped teachers introduce more technology into their classroom.

“I've heard a lot of teachers talk about how really embracing Canvas and all of its features have just made their daily classes far more intentional and structured using a module or layout,” said Callon.

With the amount of change happening on campus, Deves sees this as a way to reinvigorate the community and better prepare it for future pivots caused by Covid-19 or not.

“SLUH can often be characterized as a place of tradition and I think carrying on tradition is what makes us so unique,” said Deves. “But at the same time, sometimes one of the downsides of focusing on tradition is that tradition can kind of lead to stagnation. I think there are elements to our school where that's true, where we kind of have been doing the same thing for a long time that maybe should be evaluated. I think this year allowed us to do that.”

 Still, the most difficult part of change, however, is being able to change enough to become something new but never to change too much that one’s core becomes altered. While SLUH has made a lot of pivots this year, SLUH has never moved away from its identity. 

“I want to say yes the culture has changed but I also can't pinpoint exactly how,” said Deves. “I think one of the cool things is that it hasn't changed drastically. Whatever the format we are or whatever changes that we go through, we're still kind of the great SLU High that we've always been, academically, spiritually, socially. I think our students still get that well rounded experience, but it definitely looks different and it feels different.”

Truths

Over the past 12 months, the world has been through a lot. At times, it can best be described as a rollercoaster. But, from that rollercoaster, society has learned a lot about itself. SLUH has discovered a willingness to adapt and be a community even if it means talking into a screen. Even on the individual level, people have changed, grown, and through the trauma of living in a pandemic have gained a strong sense of themselves. There have been dark times too, but going forward, society will look back on what we have learned and taken away from this pandemic, honoring how even with social distancing, society got through this together.

“I don't know what a lot of other people went through personally during this pandemic as far as the financial side and that kind of hardship that put people through,” said Krausz. “But I think as a whole, we as a human community did a good job at getting through this pandemic together, and even though there are definitely still ups and downs on a journey, I think we'll get out okay.”

Krausz believes that the pandemic made him trust more in his ability to put his head down and work hard despite the circumstances. As a result, he says that he is more confident in his work ethic going forward into the real world.

“I already knew I was a pretty resilient person in that regard, but at the start of the pandemic it was right after exams, spring break, and then another week off. And I just felt, when is this going to end, how am I going to get through this without losing my sanity,” said Krausz. “But, during that time, I really dug deep and focused on my school work and I realized I had another gear to go. I just feel like it brought out another gear, a layer in me that I didn't know I had.”

For senior Andrei Chura, the social isolation caused by the pandemic revealed that it is important to rely on people and that no man is an island.

“I have learned that I need social interaction, even though I am an introvert,” said Chura. “Fourth quarter last year was difficult for me, and I struggled to keep up academically because I was not being surrounded in an academic environment with teachers and students working. That experience just showed me how much people do have an influence on me.”

Hylla from her experience with loss learned that all dark clouds have a silver lining and that one can find purpose after a loss.

“When you suffer a loss, you have to rely on good memories and good things. And I think for our young people that's very hard to understand because you don't see any benefit in loss and I don't mean that in a harsh way,” said Hylla. “I hope that I have become more patient, more understanding. Definitely cherish what you have when you have it, because when it's gone, it's not there anymore.”

Callon and Deves both realized because of the pandemic that human beings really are quite adaptive and resilient even we underestimate our willingness to change.

“I really do believe that as much as we like to say that humans are creatures of routine. I think this year has taught us that we are also incredibly adaptive despite the hard part being that there's also been a lot of things that have been very frustrating about our world this year and people and attitudes that have been very challenging,” said Deves.

“There's no normal,” said Callon. “This is not less normal than another thing. We just get what we get. And we're pretty resilient, as a species. And so long as we draw on our better selves, it's pretty easy to find meaning and purpose in whatever the cons.”

Callon even found himself inspired at times.

“I was inspired that people showed what they were really made of over and over and again it was selfless and generous and loving and willing to sacrifice for others,” said Callon. “And that not everybody did, that doesn't discount the fact that a whole lot of people did. So, I'll have learned to remember that people are fundamentally good.”

“We have a very limited amount of control and there are things that are always going to happen that are outside and we see that all the time,” said Hill. “We're in the hands of God. It may be one of the graces of the pandemic for me just trusting in the Lord. I always want to rage against what's wrong. I'm a fighter. I want to get out there and know when to make things right, but some things can't be made right,” said Hill. “Sometimes you just have to surrender to that and just accept it. And that's a very hard grace, sometimes to receive.”